As always, I’m stressed because I’m way too late for my appointment, the tram was also late and there’s rail replacement service on top of that. There are a couple of girls standing behind me, loudly playing clips on their smartphones. Sure, why are there headphones? You can do without! The anger rolls up in me at this moment and literally explodes in my head. What do I do with it now? Anger is a very powerful emotion, at least that’s how it feels for all of us. Anger is even more powerful when suppressed. Since anger was already regarded as a mortal sin in the church, it is of course obvious not to allow it in the first place. The stigma is too great. But the longer we suppress it, the more powerful it becomes. A vicious circle?
A whole paragraph in my meditation app, Headspace , is devoted to dealing with anger. In the 10-minute meditations it is described that the anger should not be evaluated at all. Anger is not bad or good. It’s a feeling, an energy. We quickly let ourselves be guided by it, controlled by it . We can also try to observe them first and allow the feeling. Problems arise from suppressed feelings. I also wrote about this before: Can feelings make you ill?
Repressed anger from childhood injuries
Due to the numerous traumas in my childhood , a lot of anger built up in me. For years I didn’t even know where it came from. I always thought that’s the way I am. But when you suffer severe injuries for years, it is clear that something like this does not go unnoticed. The important thing now is how do I deal with it as an adult?
I would like to quote a paragraph from emotion.de :
Would you like to live out the long suppressed anger? Maybe the satisfaction is worth breaking relationships for. It may also be urgently necessary to set clear boundaries for this person. Then think about how you formulate it clearly.
How I deal with feelings of powerlessness as an abuse victim
Victims of abuse, like me, experience feelings of powerlessness over and over again. Our needs have been ignored, we are not heard or taken seriously. Setting boundaries has become a life’s work . After all, we were never allowed to set our own limits.
Something like that leaves an irrepressible, suppressed anger. I’ve thought about how to deal with it. That was one of the many reasons to start martial arts. Boxing is good therapy! Also meditation, a lot of rest and time for yourself. I will start therapy next week and hope to achieve further successes with it. The trauma still determines my life too much to this day, because I am reminded of it in many situations and I feel helpless again. It is important to keep reminding yourself that the time of helplessness is over.
